we made out on top of his cat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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