NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are my feet made of real feet?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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