apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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