my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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