maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
im on a boat
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