i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
