Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
