It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Drake has all the answers
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
