Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
