direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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