just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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