I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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