Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
