If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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