You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
