There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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