Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
