Dual....:-)
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
