Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
