Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
