I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nutella sex= disaster
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
