Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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