You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
