So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
