oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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