I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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