I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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