put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
