I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You left your phone here
Wait...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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