I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
