i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
