I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
