I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
