How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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