Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
