Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
