If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wanna passion pit in your ass
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
