I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying āFUCK YOUā to all my spam emails. Canāt tell you how excited I am
Stop saving videos when youāre using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks Iām into that
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