And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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