Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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