Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
