Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
