As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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