In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
