sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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