I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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