remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
