is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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