just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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