I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
