had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
