Quick, to the slutcave!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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