What a fucking waste of an outfit
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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