I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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