my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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