god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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