We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
