But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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