my phone needs a breathalizer
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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