You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
