How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
