try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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