remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
