Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
