rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize