a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I just sharted jello shots
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