Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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