I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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