She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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