we're chasing vodka with high fives
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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