I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
