i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
