I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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