i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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