before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
