I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
