my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
