you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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