I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
