im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
