Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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