I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think people are normalizing furries
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
