pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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