how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
