i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
