i can't believe i had my finger in that
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
