Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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