It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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