I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
