you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
