Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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