I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
