is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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