First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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