just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
