All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize