im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
