South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize