I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
