there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize