we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
